Thank you DNA for bringing back cover boy Todd Sanfield for issue #121. Todd may not be everyone’s cup of joe and really as far as modeling goes he only seems to have one look … but at least it’s a hot one.
~A
“Down Boy” Todd Sanfield
February 8th, 2010Pink Stole the Show!
January 31st, 2010I haven’t even watched the Grammys yet and I would bet anything that this was the performance of the night. Seriously is she even capable of a poor performance? I doubt it. Come on people! Every note spot on and all while dangling upside down and spinning. Who does that?! Pink bitches.
And why haven’t I watched the Grammys you all ask. Well it’s my birthday week and me, my amazing boyfriend and four other couples are spending it in Aspen. Tonight I went shop to shop asking if Laura or Brooke had been there. The only answer I got was “WHO?!” Ummm hello, Laura and Brooke from the VH1 hit show “Aspen”. Oh wait, sources are telling me the show was already cancelled. SHOCKING! Anywho, after that little adventure we headed back to the ranch, had a lovely home cooked chili extravaganza of a dinner and ended with a testosterone charged game night. My team won of course ;).
So long story short, that’s why I didn’t watch the Grammys. I’m sure it was long and drawn out so for your sake I hope you had something better to do as well. Nighty night bitches.
I Love the Simpsons!
January 25th, 2010Well yes I do love me some Homer and the gang, however in this case I’m talking about 7-year-old Charlie Simpson. The adorable young chap wanted to raise money to help the people of Haiti with a bike-a-thon. And whattaya know, the little guy raised over 200K. Atta boy! The only thing good that comes from such a massive tragedy are the everyday Heros that step up and offer what they can to help. In this little man’s case, one small gesture went a long way. If I had a heart I think I would actually tear up.
~A
This Is It Bitches!
January 25th, 2010This has to be my favorite video from my favorite inmates. But, hmmm, ummm who is the white guy and how did he end up in there? Somehow he just doesn’t seem to belong. Eh, maybe he helped teach the choreography. But if he is an actual inmate, I’m guessing with that hair that he’s somebody’s bitch.
~A
Jesus Wasn’t Hung
January 25th, 2010No not like on a cross. I’m talking about Madonna’s little boytoy. I guess penis size doesn’t really mean anything to someone like GrandMadonna. I mean she’s seen more dick than a glory hole. Actually I think that was her nickname in college. I kid I kid. I love me some Madonna. Anywho, back to the topic. Jesus.Photo.Small.PeePee.
The pic is of course NSFW and is after the jump. I can’t decide whether they chose not to use this photo because of the little peeper in the background or how bad Madge looks. Damn Gina! Either way, a picture like this should never have been leaked. 
Haha!
~A
I’m So Fucking Jelly!
January 21st, 2010Some crazy Italian bitch assaulted David Beckham treating him like the hot piece of meat I know that he is. Apparently her mission was to find out whether or not he really filled out those Armani undies as he appears to in all of the billboard ads.
I have one question for the biyatch - WHY DID YOU WEAR GLOVES?! Are you insane? If I was going to pull this stunt, and believe me when I say that I’ve plotted many similar strategies, I would NEVER add more layers between my hands and his crotch. When I’d smell my fingers later I wouldn’t want them smelling like rubber. I’m just sayin’…
~A
Pleez Sir, Can I Have Some More?
January 21st, 2010And by more I mean less, and by less I mean less clothes on Mr Matt Schiermeier. Thank you thank you thank you for the delicious photography Empyrean.
~A
He’s My American Idol
January 21st, 2010That’s right bitches, I’m talking about Pee Wee Herman. The bitch is back and might I say that at 57 she is still looking fresh. Her show has been previewing to special audiences and is having it’s grand premiere here in LA. A close friend of mine who should have taken me said that the show was awesome and confirmed that Pee Wee still has his charm.
Well Duh! You don’t lose that shit just because you’re a pedophile or got caught masturbating in some theatre while looking like a hot trany/redneck mess. And for the record, who HASN’T gotten off in a public theatre? Seriously…
Anywho, on a more EXCLUSIVE note, I’m hearing rumors that there might be talks of a re-releasing of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure in select theatres. Oh MA Gawd! Could you imagine getting to see that shit in theatres again?! I would die! Let’s hope they make it happen.
~A
Bitch Pleez! We Should’ve Been 1st!
January 20th, 2010So we had our first softball tournament of the year this past weekend in Vegas. It’s the Sin City Shootout and probably the second biggest tournament of the year. Well Not counting the World Series. Anywayz, as you all know I had a biopsy surgery so of course my team didn’t want to let me pitch. So for most of the weekend I just ad to watch. Sooooo painful!
Eventually they let me be a designated hitter where I batted 1000! And in the very last game I finally got to pitch an inning that they couldn’t shut down. In the end we won 3rd place which is great, but had I not been on the injured list, I think that 3rd would be a 1st. Either way, a great first showing!
So lookout boys, cuz this is a Hollywood Swingers kind of year!
~A
Martha Ruins Everything!
January 20th, 2010First Lindsay Lohan and now pole dancing. Yes bitches I’m blaming Martha Stewart for Lindsay. It was right after going on her show that Lindsay really went off the deep end and it’s all Martha’s fault.
Now she’s gone and ruined my favorite sport, pole dancing. I will never watch another pole routine without having flashes of that crusty vadge of hers dancing around in what she thinks is a sexy manner.
Ladies can we all promise to leave to poles to pros? Thanks.
~A
