Hi bitches. It’s me, Antonio. Just wanted to check in and let all that’s crowding my mind out. I figure it’s been a while since I’ve said how I’m feeling. Mostly because I figure very few of you actually care. Regardless, I feel this might be therapeutic for my mind. So here goes …
I guess I’m feeling a little lost and, hmmm, what’s a good word to describe my state right now, INCAPABLE! Ahhhhh! Yes that will do. Yes I’m feeling incapable, ahhhhh. It’s been over two months since I was laid off from Warner Bros and the stress of money has started to take it’s toll. I’ve been doing construction and commercial work to try and stay above water. And the thing about it is, I’ve lost all confidence in my abilities. It’s almost paralyzing.
My head is saying that I will never find a job and that if I do in fact find employment, I will be fired once they figure out that I have no talent or skills. Isn’t that fucked up?! The neighborhood in my head is definitely not a place I wanna visit alone. It’s scurry. The worst part is that it’s starting to bleed into all aspects of my life. Blogging for instance. I used to have so much fun finding shit to rip on or just fun stuff to share. Lately it feels as though finding stories is life or death and I’m just incapable, ahhhhh, of generating the goods.
All that being said, I have found gratitude in my current situation. I’m grateful for an amazing group of friends, a loving family that I adore, a roof over my head, the ability to laugh every now and then about being unemployed, LOL, and of course I can’t forget my beautiful boyfriend who has been nurturing and patient through it all.
If you’re still reading this and haven’t thought to yourself “bitch pleez! Stop your whining!” or even if you have but are still reading this rant, then let me conclude with this, I know it will all be OK. The universe has a plan for me and I just have to continue to be proactive in my life and try and stay out of the results.
Whew! Glad I got that outta my system. Now back to gurls falling down and some hot boys!
~A
